Gay and Christian – 2 Views: Sally Gary and Gregory Coles

This Theology Lab conversation features a respectful dialogue between two gay Christians with opposing theological views: Greg Coles, who holds a non-affirming position and lives celibately, viewing his singleness as being "betrothed to Jesus," and Sally Gary, who holds an affirming position and is married to a woman after decades of living according to non-affirming beliefs. Both arrived at their positions through serious biblical study—Greg focusing on Jesus's kindness and references to traditional marriage, Sally wrestling with Genesis 2:18 ("it is not good for man to be alone") and Acts passages showing God's expanding embrace. They emphasize the crucial need for churches to openly discuss LGBTQ+ issues rather than maintaining harmful silence, stress that churches calling people to celibacy must actively support them, and address common misunderstandings (Greg asks people not to assume his celibacy stems from self-hatred; Sally clarifies her position change wasn't about "giving up" but resulted from rigorous study). Despite their theological differences, the conversation exemplifies how Christians can engage complex topics with mutual respect, intellectual honesty, and genuine care while maintaining different convictions about scripture and sexuality.

Key Participants

• Greg Coles: Author of "Single Gay Christian," holds a non-affirming view, lives celibately
• Sally Gary: Author of "Affirming," holds an affirming view, married to a woman named Karen
• Scott Rice: Moderator from Theology Lab

Main Discussion Points

The Importance of Conversation

Both speakers emphasize the critical need for churches to openly discuss LGBTQ+ issues rather than maintaining harmful silence. Sally notes that while churches historically sent the message that gay people weren't welcome, many LGBTQ+ individuals have always been present in congregations.

Biblical Interpretation and Personal Journey

Greg's Perspective:

• Wrestled with understanding Jesus's kindness, initially assuming kindness would lead to affirming same-sex marriage
• Found that Jesus's references to marriage (Genesis creation account, sexual immorality) suggested a different path
• Concluded that Jesus's invitation to singleness might be an act of kindness he hadn't expected
• Views his celibacy as being "betrothed" to Jesus, awaiting the ultimate marriage between Christ and the church

Sally's Perspective:

• Grew up in conservative tradition but struggled with Genesis 2:18 ("It is not good for man to be alone")
• Found significance in Acts passages showing God's expanding embrace (Ethiopian eunuch, Peter's vision, Jerusalem Council)
• Spent decades living according to non-affirming beliefs before changing her position
• Emphasized that her journey wasn't about "doing what she wanted" but resulted from serious biblical study

The Role of Desire and Companionship

Sally describes the deep longing for life partnership that goes beyond friendship - someone to share daily life, make plans with, and care for during illness. She distinguishes this from sexual desire alone, emphasizing the covenant relationship aspect.

Greg acknowledges longing but describes finding companionship with Jesus and rich community. He doesn't characterize his experience as "aloneness" as Sally did hers.

Church Community and Support

Both speakers stress that if churches call people to celibacy, they must actively support and care for those individuals. Sally particularly emphasizes that nuclear families shouldn't forget their responsibility to single members.

Mixed-View Churches

The discussion touches on "third way" churches that attempt to include both affirming and non-affirming perspectives. Both speakers see potential beauty in such communities but acknowledge significant challenges, particularly around full participation and leadership roles for LGBTQ+ individuals.

Addressing Misunderstandings

Greg's Request: Asks people not to assume his celibacy stems from self-hatred, emphasizing that healthy celibacy must be motivated by experiencing "the deep delight of Jesus."

Sally's Request: Asks people not to assume she simply "gave up" or abandoned her faith. She emphasizes that her change came through rigorous study intended to strengthen her original non-affirming position, particularly influenced by James Brownson's "Bible, Gender and Sexuality."

Tone and Approach

The conversation is marked by mutual respect, intellectual honesty, and genuine care between the participants despite their theological differences. Both speakers demonstrate deep biblical engagement and acknowledge the complexity of the issues involved.

Conclusion

The dialogue exemplifies how Christians can engage difficult topics with grace while maintaining different convictions. Both speakers emphasize the importance of serious biblical study, community support, and recognizing God's work in each other's lives despite disagreement.